Everyone is so different. We all have different ways of doing a lot of things. Sometimes we can see things the same way in order to function. We can get along or just go along with ideas and customs to just have peace. Or we can do it for a loved one. But it seems like when it comes to death and our beliefs around it there is sometimes a huge separation. You can be going along in life completely meshing up with everyone around you and then someone dies and BAM! You suddenly don’t agree on anything. The way we all handle death is so different. I understand the five stages of grief*, “popularly known by the acronym DABDA”, (although, I have never heard it called that). I am not saying that I understand each stage in the sense that I have experienced them, I am saying I understand that someone has identified these as stages people grieving might go through. But what people do during these stages and after is still very individualized. Everyone deals with grief differently, I understand that, although I do not agree with how everyone deals with it as you might have guessed if you read Grief Is a Very Personal Thing, where I say people grieve differently and as long as they aren’t mean or causing harm I don’t like to label their behavior unacceptable. This post is not so much about behavior, I don’t think. I know that many people want their loved ones near or they want to be able to visit their loved ones, but I am not one of those people. I think of my loved ones as being gone . . . so having their remains near by is just odd to me.
Today I was trying to concentrate on learning a Nia routine and it is one that has the Nia participant turning to face all four walls. So that means I turn to each four walls in the room. I found myself facing the ashes of loved ones at two of the walls. The first and second wall, so by the time I got to the third and fourth wall I was lost in other thoughts. I had been avoiding the room upon my travels through the house. Normally I walk into this room to get to the back rooms because it is the softer path, but I had been avoiding it. But this is the best, the largest room to practice in so I was doing my Nia practice in it. But it just happens to have three of my relatives in it. I don’t care for that.
As I type all three of them are at my back. I bet I would not be as conscious of it had I not seen a post on Facebook from a friend who is pretty confident she did not receive the correct ashes of her pet. She posted a picture of the paw print of what she received compared to the pet she had. She has similarly sized pets still so she compared paws. The mold she received was at LEAST four times larger. And she went onto say that she has about three cups of ash. She said she thought her pet would be about one. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
It got me thinking. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! How many cups of people are in this house. WHAT???????????? Sigh. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whew. People are so different. Many people have loved one’s ashes. In fact, they sell beautiful urns to contain these ashes. We’ve (probably) all seen those horrendous comedy TV shows where someone has accidentally spilled the ashes all over. Breathe.
I just don’t know what to think about that. I am working on letting people do what they need to do. But, I personally don’t need to do it. I think that tomorrow I will workout in another room — and probably from here on out. I — don’t care to have THAT kind of reminder of my loved ones around. To each their own. And let everyone be . . .
Donna, thanks for always making me laugh, even if it is particularly in horror.
Thoughts? What are your thoughts about this? Are you an ashes and urn type of person? Please feel free to share your feelings. I’ve shared mine.
*The five stages of grief (according to Wiki):
- Denial — As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial.
- Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame?”; “Why would God let this happen?”
- Bargaining — “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
- Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
- Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
